Isn't there someone kind enough to come strangle me in my sleep?
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.
I could never be in a cult. For starters, they never accessorize properly. David Koresh had no fashion sense, Jim Jones wore leisure suits, and I don't care how charismatic Osama bin Laden was, an AK-47 and an insulin drip do not take the place of drop earrings or a well-placed brooch.
Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep. '.
Art is the exclusion of the unnecessary.
Death comes to us, under many conditions, with all the welcome serenity of sleep.
I've always had a soft spot for Phil Collins. He's a great vocalist.
I do not believe in the God of theology who rewards good and punishes evil. My God created laws that take care of that. His universe is not ruled by wishful thinking, but by immutable laws.