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You can't tell an audience to like a character. And I think the best way to get the audience on someone's side is to embarrass them.

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Dennis Miller

I love this country for several reasons, not the least of which is that I know I'm allowed to hate it if I want to.

Country, Hate, Love, Politics, Reasons
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I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love.

Celine, Dion, Legal System, Love, Thinking

They have an amazing proliferation of TV channels now: The all-cartoon channel, the 24-hour-science fiction channel. Of course, to make room for these they got rid of the Literacy Channel and the What's Left of Civilization Channel.

Cartoon, Channel, Civilization, Course, Fiction

Twitter! Never have lives been less lived and more chronicled!

Chronicled, Lived, Lives, Twitter

And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow.

Abortion, Choices, Easier, Men, Pregnant

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Funny, Humor, Use, Grocery, Eating, Cart
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