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Blessed, blessed is their Guru, whose mouth tastes the Ambrosial Fruit of the Lord.

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Jeff Ross

I've always liked cops, as much as you can like a group of people, you know? Sure, I've been hassled, but I'm a white dude - privileged.

Cops, Dude, Groups, People, Privileged, White
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Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.

Life, Life Is Short, Moving, Pain, Short

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

Apologizing, Funny, Joke, Observation, Probably, Want

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

Bad, Bad Grades, Funny, Like, Sports, Wells

It really bothers me when some people say that all cops are racist. Of course that's not true. Most of you are just [expletive] to everybody.

Cop, Everybody, Expletive, People, Racist

I had a life experience that most of my - that none of my friends had. I remember I became everybody's rabbi. Everybody who needed advice would talk to me, and it became an obvious thing.

Advice, Experience, Friends, Obvious, Obvious Things, Remember
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