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Beauty lasts five minutes. Maybe longer if you have a good plastic surgeon.

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Adam Ferrara

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby. ' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed. ' 'Don't you feel like we're soul. . . '

Baby, Died, Funny, Mouth, Sleep, Together
Same Author Quotes

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

Funny, Hell, Humor, Know, What If, Woman

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking. . . ,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

Buy, Funny, Humor, Moving, Paint, Whenever

Being in a relationship is like being in A. A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man. '

Friends, Funny, Girl, Humor, Like

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

Broke, Difference, Funny, Humor, Reasons, Religious

I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

Funny, Humor, Mail, Month, Relative, Thinking
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