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I suppose it's easy to play a hypocritical politician with a smiling face; it's also quite gratifying to play.

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Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.

Respect, Kids, No Friends, Runnin, Kid
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

Beauty, Crazy, Funny, Okay, Told

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

Dead, Dog, Play, Roll, Wife

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Finger, Know, Mouths, Sticks, Ugly

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Funny, Kid, Moved, Moving, Parents, Pregnancy

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

Cook, Dental Floss, Floss, Kitchen, Roaches, Wife
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