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Lord, enable us to search our hearts and humble ourselves before Thee. Oh, for a closer walk with God, more faith, more sincerity, more earnestness, and more love. I must study more the Word of God. 'If ye abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatsoever ye will, and it shall be done unto you. ' The Master said so, and His words are true.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

The most interesting hipsters are ones who stop being hipsters.

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The most interesting nerds are the ones who take offense to being called nerds.

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Rescuing dogs is looked upon as a noble, trendy pursuit. But wouldn't rescuing a man from a homeless shelter be, in fact, more humane?

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Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking, fighting, throwing up, pissing on walls and then you leave the house and things get bad.

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My grandfather is from Ireland. His name is Florence McCarthy. He moved to New York in 1920. They used to beat him up because his name was Florence. He had to switch his name to Frank. And then this Christmas, he made an announcement - he goes, 'I'm switching me name back to Florence. ' And we beat him up, 'cause it's a dumb name and he's old and weak and it was easy.

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If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership.

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