It's fun to be the guy everybody looks to.
All my humor is based upon destruction and despair.
Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there's no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter.
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.
Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.
Never tell. Not if you love your wife. . . In fact, if your old lady walks in on you deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay On Top Of Me Or I'll Die. ' " I didn't know what I was goin' to do.
What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.
I don't aspire to be like other drivers - I aspire to be unique in my own way.
Victory is not the absence of problems, it is the presence of power.
Charlie had Sophie strapped to his chest like a terrorist baby bomb when he came down the back steps. She had just gotten to the point where she could hold up her head, so he had strapped her in face-out so she could look around. The way her arms and legs waved around as Charlie walked, she looked as if she was skydiving and using a skinny nerd as a parachute.
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.