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You made a big mistake by letting me come, because now I'm going after your job

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W. C. Fields

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

Cap, Gold, Pulled, Should Have, Tooth, Years
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

Alcohol, Gambling, Half, Money, Women

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

Case, Clever, Flagon, Funny, Small, Witty

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.

Circumstances, Inspirational, Money, Motivational, Say, Skill

I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

Age, Away, Funny, Preservatives, Witty

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

Funny, Goodness, Like, Sex, Things
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