This happened to me last week. We're in the process of remodeling our house; we've been doing it … - Jeff Foxworthy

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I never dreamed I would receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, mostly because my style is so typically Austrian.

Jeff Foxworthy

This happened to me last week. We're in the process of remodeling our house; we've been doing it for a while now. And we have the painters in, putting sheets up around the furniture, you know? And we have a piano, just a regular, up against the wall piano. One of the painters said to me, "Is that y'all's piano?" I said, "Nah, that's our coffee table, it just has buckteeth! Here's your Sign!

Coffee, House, Piano, Regular, Wall

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A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon. '

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Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty. '

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