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Personally, I'd rather have pins stuck in my eyes than endure a conversation with John Kerry, but I'd love to hang with Bush.

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Bill Hicks

England, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States. . . 23,000 deaths from handguns. But - there's no connection.

Connections, Gun, Handguns, States, United, United States
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I was told when I grew up I could be anything I wanted: a fireman, a policeman, a doctor - even President, it seemed. And for the first time in the history of mankind, something new, called an astronaut. But like so many kids brought up on a steady diet of Westerns, I always wanted to be the avenging cowboy hero - that lone voice in the wilderness, fighting corruption and evil wherever I found it, and standing for freedom, truth and justice. And in my heart of hearts I still track the remnants of that dream wherever I go, in my endless ride into the setting sun.

Avenging, Dream, Hero, Kids, Wherever

They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven't proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven't seen the stats on that yet.

Comedian, Good, Life, Quit, Seen, Smoking

I don't care if you're obscene, filthy, horrendous -- as long as you're honest.

Care, Filthy, Honest, Long

Laughter makes the bitter swallowing of truth, for some, a little easier.

Easier, Laughter, Littles, Swallowing, Truth

The waitress comes over to me like, 'What'chu readin' for?' I had never been asked that. Not 'What am I reading?' but 'What am I reading for?' Goddammit, you stumped me. Hmm, why do I read? I suppose I read for a lot of reasons, one of the main ones being so I don't end up being a. . . waffle waitress.

Book, Hmm, Like, Readin, Reading, Waffles
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