All of us are much more human than otherwise
I haven't been on a date in awhile. I went on maybe two dates in my whole life.
. . . Being a father is the most exciting, amazing thing that ever happened to me.
Success is just happiness. When you are happy, that is success.
I didn't think it was going to be this fun. But everything just gets heightened when you have a baby. The volume gets turned up on life. I never knew I could be this happy, and that's the truth.
Thank you hard taco shells for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you. Thank you.
According to a new report, since he's been governor, Chris Christie has spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Now, I know it seems like the perfect story for a Chris Christie joke but I'm actually on a Chris Christie joke diet. So nothing for me, thanks.
The best defense is not to offend.
The wise does at once what the fool does at last.
It is thus that you may lead a charmed life and be forever protected from all harm; it is thus you may become a positive force whereby conditions of opulence and harmony may be attracted to you.
It's a relief now to be able to stand next to my godfather and finally feel like I've accomplished something in the game of baseball.