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I thought I was playing the world champion, not some 27-eyed monster who sees everything in all positions.

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Dennis Miller

When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele.

Character, Characters, College, Kids, Rat, Revenge
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I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love.

Celine, Dion, Legal System, Love, Thinking

They have an amazing proliferation of TV channels now: The all-cartoon channel, the 24-hour-science fiction channel. Of course, to make room for these they got rid of the Literacy Channel and the What's Left of Civilization Channel.

Cartoon, Channel, Civilization, Course, Fiction

Twitter! Never have lives been less lived and more chronicled!

Chronicled, Lived, Lives, Twitter

And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow.

Abortion, Choices, Easier, Men, Pregnant

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Funny, Humor, Use, Grocery, Eating, Cart
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