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I'm more muscular than I was in my younger days. My biceps and shoulders, especially.

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Jeff Dunham

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Choke, Color, Doe, Smurf, Turn
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When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show.

Bad, Chalk, Facts, Five, Show, Shows

As humans we like to laugh at our fears, we like to whistle in the dark.

Dark, Fears, Humans, Laugh, Laughing

Up until college age I was using the typical little-boy dummy that sits on the knee and makes woodpecker jokes. My first original character didn't happen until later, and that was Jose the Jalapeno on a Stick.

Boys, Character, College, Jokes, Original, Using

I've tried the female thing. I was in a movie called Dinner for Schmucks a couple of years ago with Steve Carell and I created a female character for that movie. And after a few months of trying her out on the road it just didn't work. I mean, I can think like a terrorist, I can think like a white trash guy, I can even try and think like an African American, but I can't figure out how a woman.

American, Character, Couple, Female, Guy, Mean

A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things.

Audience, Comedian, Filters, Needs, Things
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