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I think it rather pathetic that so many people are looking forward to heaven to prove that their doctrinal position was correct.

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Dylan Moran

You have to assume that you're talking to the most intelligent, tuned-in audience you could ever get. That's the way you're going to get the best out of people. Whether they know you or not shouldn't matter for comedy. They should get to know you pretty quickly. and they should be having a good time pretty quickly.

Comedy, Intelligent, People, Talking, Way
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People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic. '

Comedian, Encouragement, Like, People, Phrases, Time

You're talking to a modern, nice, affable German person and they're saying to you something like 'You know, vell, it's a critical time now for Germany within Europe, also globally, economically ve are pretty good, ve have been better. But ve are very vibrant in the theater and arts. . . ' and all the time you'll be listening to this, you're thinking Mmm, yeah, mmm. . . Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler.

Affable, Art, Funny, Nice, Pretty

You've a very important, early decision to make in your life: are you going to be alone, or are you going to be with somebody else? Are you going to be sane, or not lonely? A couple is a strange thing; it's an organism that's half as intelligent as the most intelligent member. And you both know who it is.

Couple, Decision, Funny, Half, Lonely, Organism

Everybody does that now. We all take pics. . . you do the same with holiday photos. You record something to look back on it, even though you’re not really there when you’re taking the picture ‘cause you’re too busy recording it - so you retrospectively go to look back on where you weren’t and tell yourself you had a good time.

Funny, Holiday, Humor, Pics, Same, Time

You’re not really an adult at all. You’re just a tall child holding a beer, having a conversation you don’t understand.

Adult, Adults, Beer, Children, Having, Understand
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