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Dane Cook Biography

Dane Jeffrey Cook (born March 18, 1972) is an American stand-up comedian and film actor. He has released five comedy albums: Harmful If Swallowed; Retaliation; Vicious Circle; Rough Around The Edges: Live From Madison Square Garden; and Isolated Incident. In 2006, Retaliation became the highest charting comedy album in 28 years and went platinum. He performed an HBO special in the Fall of 2006, Vicious Circle, a straight-to-DVD special titled Rough Around The Edges (which is included in the album of the same name), and a Comedy Central special in 2009 titled Isolated Incident. He is known for his use of observational, often vulgar, and sometimes dark comedy.

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Dane Cook Quotes

Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect. "

Cheating, Funny, Like, Sleep, Term, Wake

I feel like people who don't brag are trying to make you jealous by thinking they're hiding something more even exciting.

Hiding Something, Jealous, Make, People, Thinking

I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.

Alcohol, Drug, Drugs, Pepsi

I say God bless you, I don't say bless you. . . I am not the Lord, I can't do that.

Bless, God, God Bless You, I Can, Lord

When you don't have love, it is like there's a party going on and everybody was invited except for you. . . and you just happen to walk by that house in the rain

Everybody, Happen, House, Party, Rain, Walk

You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.

Attention, Crowd, Crowds, Laugh, Laughing, Learn

I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school.

Hang, Home, Lessons, School, Skip

We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments. When you're headed for a breakthrough moment, it's kind of scary because you say, 'If I break through then I have to make great change in my life. '

Break, Break Through, Kind, Say, Scary

I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone,. . . I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.

Boys, Eating, Funny, Kids, Know, Remember

I was very good at kickball. . . I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school

Good, Kickball, Leg, Legs, School, Shoes

If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it's still a negative. You're just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is.

Keep, Negative, Revealing, Take, Ugly

My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.

Dream, Living, Nightmare, Personal, Professional, True

You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.

2Nd, Directors, Life, People, Stories, Story

They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up. . . yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.

Jesus, Nice, School, Sunday, Thank, Yeah

You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.

Part, Routine, Sense, Sense Of Humor, Strong

I found someones passport on the ground tonight. Where do you sell these things?

Found Someone, Ground, Passport, Passports, Things, Tonight

If you're 1 of the 3 girls in pics with a greaseball whose arms are around you at a club you lose at life. If you're the greaseball you win.

Clubs, Girl, Girls, Greaseball, Life, Winning

It was peace. Peace is when you would shake the hands of the people around you. And you knew peace was coming because the priest would say it five times rapid fire. He'd go, “My peace I leave, my peace I give to you. While we ate Reese's Pieces with the Lord. And I have a piece of lint in my peaceful eye!

Eye, Fire, Hands, Leave, Say

The problem with dating a model is they won't go out with you if your cars color doesn't match their outfit.

Car, Color, Dating, Match, Model

My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.

Brother, Cancer, Dad, Folks, Mom

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