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If anyone other than you had me fly halfway around the world just to keep me waiting while you were obviously lingering in bed, I’d have my driver run them over. Twice.

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Billy Connolly

I used to be a folk singer, but I was. . . dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog. And being a folk singer doesn't make you attractive to women.

Attractive, Fog, Folk, Singers, Voice
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If I had a hammer, there'd be no more folksingers.

Folksingers, Hammer, Hammers, Ifs

If you're going to do an interview about a movie or anything like that, you're vulnerable. You say stupid things. Or if you're applying for a green card you feel very vulnerable and you're likely to spout out something stupid in the middle of it all.

Interview, Like, Middle, Say, Stupid, Vulnerable

It's my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.

Change, Like, Mind, Reserve, Reserves

I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.

Britain, Europe, Longer, Thinking

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

Funny Love, Invention, Marriage, Repair, Wedding, Wonderful
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