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If you want to save your child from polio, you can pray or you can inoculate. . . . Try science.

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Jen Kirkman

I really will never understand pushing back on comedians who are like, "I'm like a politician campaigning and shaking hands with these people. They're going to be okay. "

Back, Comedian, Hands, People, Pushing, Shaking
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I think that, for me, my favorite thing to do is perform standup onstage. Everything else I do is for the exposure to do more stand-up onstage, and for the money, and for the health insurance.

Exposure, Favorites Things, Insurance, My Favorite, Thing, Thinking

I wonder if that's the difference between fathers and mothers. I'm friends with people who have kids that are like 5 and under, and they're still in that intense mother-bonding phase. It might just be that. Because the dads haven't changed.

Dad, Father, Fathers, Like, Mother, Phase

Actually, my friendships are changing because my friends have kids, so that's a new aspect to the material. Not just that I don't want to have kids, it's that I'm having a hard time relating to people I know.

Friendships, Hard Times, Having, Kids, People

[Twitter] certainly doesn't hurt me. I'm not in any pain over any of the things I see. I'm just more disappointed.

Hurt, Hurt Me, Pain, See

I don't have any jokes about my divorce or my ex-husband, who is a lovely person. It really is about how I was an idiot trying to push this guy to get married when I wasn't even sure if I wanted to.

Divorce, Guy, Husband, Idiot, Lovely
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