Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers … - Jay Leno

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Music has always been my constant, my salvation. It's cliche to write that, but it's true.

Jay Leno

Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out on the ice and skate around reporters' questions, so it should be interesting.

Game, Hockey, Ice, Mom, Philadelphia, Puck

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The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D. C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Christmas, Funny, Religious, Scene, Wise

Today is April 1, April Fools' Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don't confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS.

Confuse, Fools Day, Irs, People, Relatives, Trying

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Come, Epic, Funny, Lottery, Money, Psychic

Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just thought it was an American city because there were so many Mexicans there.

America, Cities, Defense, Juarez, Mexicans, Texas

A hiker who was lost in a blizzard said he stayed alive by digging a snow tunnel and burning dollar bills for warmth. Today he was offered a job as President Obama's economic adviser.

Burning, Economic, Jobs, Said, Snow, Tunnels

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Samuel Johnson

But the distant hope of being one day useful or eminent ought not to mislead us too far from that study which is equally requisite to the great and mean, to the celebrated and obscure; the art of moderating the desires, of repressing the appetites; and of conciliating or retaining the favour of mankind.

Art, Mean, Mislead, Mislead Us, Retaining

David Mitchell

Sometimes the fluffy bunny of incredulity zooms around the bend so rapidly that the greyhound of language is left, agog, in the starting cage.

Bunnies, Fluffy, Greyhound, Incredulity, Left, Zoom

Ricky Gervais

We shouldn't even need the word 'atheism'. If people didn't invent ridiculous imaginary gods, rational people wouldn't have to deny them.

Atheism, Imaginary, People, Religion, Ridiculous, Word

Carrie Brownstein

Music has always been my constant, my salvation. It's cliche to write that, but it's true.

Cliche, Constant, Music, Salvation, True, Writing

Tipper Gore

Just this week, my husband proposed a plan for schools and libraries to develop their own plans to keep children from finding indecent material on the Internet as an alternative to a Congressional proposal that would require a federally mandated solution.

Alternative, Children, Federally, Husband, Proposed, School