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One function of the angels is illumination, and the other function is that of being a guardian.

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Whitney Cummings

I don't think that women necessarily always write like women. I was a writer on the Comedy Central Roasts for a while, and I always wrote the jokes that people assumed the men would write.

Central, Men, People, Think, Thinking, Writing
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My definition of love is: Being willing to die for someone, that you yourself want to kill.

Definitions, Kill, Love, Love Is, Want, Willing

A true friend will go with the instagram filter that flatters you.

Filters, Flatters, Friend, True, True Friend, Women

There was a time in L. A. when I drove to 7-Eleven to go grocery shopping, and I locked my keys in my car, which wasn't insured. My wallet was in there, and I couldn't call AAA, because I only had $7 in my bank account. It was one of those moments where I was like, 'O. K. , I literally have nothing right now.

Account, Car, Insured, Keys, Shopping, Time

I feel like, in a lot of shows where the woman is in charge, the woman is this ball buster and the guy is sort of weak and spineless. And that's never been my experience in a relationship. I think it's much more interesting that the guy is the boss. And there are stakes.

Interesting, Relationship, Shows, Thinking, Woman

I have so much to be thankful for. I work with the most amazing people, get to make people laugh for a living and have the most amazing friends. But, I am mostly thankful for Spanx.

Being Thankful, Laugh, Laughing, Living, People, Work
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