All news is lies and all propaganda is disguised as news.
That's the first thing they teach you in bowling, by the way. Don't press the ball against your nose. The other one is don't lick the pins.
Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking. "
George Clooney is on the program tonight. Next week at this time I will be in a hardware store watching them mix paint.
People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.
I mean you think about the guy, the Nigerian guy, who was going to blow up the plane. He was wearing a pair of Fruit of the Lunatic. . . . Guy was not too bright. He said that the reason he became a suicide bomber was to work his way up in the al Qaeda organization.
There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
A man sentenced to death obtained a reprieve by assuring the king he would teach his majesty's horse to fly within the year - on the condition that if he didn't succeed, he would be put to death at the end of the year. "Within a year," the man explained later, "the king may die, or I may die, or the horse may die. Furthermore, in a year, who knows? Maybe the horse will learn to fly. " My philosophy is like that man's. I take the long-range view.
Censorship is saying: 'I'm the one who says the last sentence. Whatever you say, the conclusion is mine. ' But the internet is like a tree that is growing. The people will always have the last word - even if someone has a very weak, quiet voice. Such power will collapse because of a whisper.
If great lecture is theatre, the future of learning is games.
I have found people on both sides of the aisle, white and black, that'll give you the shirt off their back. And I've also found people that won't give you a piece of bread if you're starving to death.