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The kind of people I myself represent in parliament; salary earners, shopkeepers, skilled artisans, professional men and women, farmers and so on, these are, in a political and economic sense, the middle class. They are for the most part unorganised and unselfconscious.

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Don Rickles

I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.

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Every night when I go out on stage, there's always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I'm always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I'm not going to offend!

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Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

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No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

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When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

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I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

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