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I see in my friends that don't have kids, when they come over, and the amount of times our conversation gets interrupted by my children. It's almost jarring.

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Allan Sherman

Anyone who calls it "sexual intercourse" can't possibly be interested in actually doing it. You might as well announce you're ready for lunch by proclaiming, "I'd like to do some masticating and enzyme secreting. "

Enzymes, Interested, Lunch, Masticating, Sex, Sexual
Same Author Quotes

You want to fall in love with a shoe, go ahead. A shoe can't love you back, but, on the other hand, a shoe can't hurt you too deeply either. And there are so many nice-looking shoes.

Back, Falling In Love, Hand, Hurt, Nice, Shoes

Success is like winning the sweepstakes or getting killed in an automobile crash. It always happens to somebody else.

Automobile, Crash, Killed, Like, Winning

The head coach don't want no sissies, so he reads to us from something called Ulysses.

Coach, Head, Sissy, Ulysses, Want

A committee is a group of individuals who all put in a perfectly good color, and it comes out gray.

Color, Good, Government, Gray, Individuals, Perfectly Good

I had moved out of the Edison Hotel because I couldn't pay the bill and was living at the Lincoln Hotel, where I couldn't pay the bill either, but it was cheaper.

Bills, Cheaper, Edison, Hospitality, Living, Pay
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