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I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

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Celia Rivenbark

I have several close friends who have run marathons, a word that is actually derived from two Swahili words: mara, which means 'to die a horrible death', and thon, which means 'for a stupid T-shirt. ' Look it up.

Horrible, Mean, Run, Running, Stupid
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I'm what is known as perimenopausal. "Peri", some of you may know, is a Latin prefix meaning 'SHUT YOUR FLIPPIN' PIE HOLE'.

Know, Latin, May, Perimenopausal, Pie

You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning.

Beer, Day, Drink, Drinking, Morning

I'd sooner wear white shoes in February, drink unsweetened tea, and eat Miracle Whip instead of Duke's than utter the words 'you guys'.

Guy, Shoes, Tea, Unsweetened, Wear, White

Severe isn't a word normally associated with a cold. Severe is for weather or third-degree burns. . . No one responds 'severe' when someone asks how her cold is. In fact, nine out of ten Americans respond to 'How's your cold' with 'It sucks. ' So there should be an It Sucks cold formula.

Degrees, Nine, Respond, Weather

And I reminded myself that it's easy to be grateful for the obvious blessings in life, much harder to be grateful for the tough moments and the lessons they teach.

Blessing, Grateful, Harder, Lessons, Moments
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