If you’ve got a problem make it a procedure and it won’t be a problem anymore.
If pleasure was not followed by pain, who would forbear it?
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Curiosity is one of the most permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.
He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts.
Our aspirations are our possibilities.
Exert your talents, and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world, until the world will be sorry that you retire.
Big banks are more dangerous than standing armies, and the practice of borrowing and spending money to be paid back by the next generation is stealing from their future.
Irrespective of the conflict with America it is a human duty to show sympathy with the American people, and be with them at these horrifying and awesome events which are bound to awaken human conscience.
Some relationships aren't true relationships. And it's usually when the other person does something really terrible that you realize it. And that's when it's time to move on.
I was heavily influenced by Andy Kaufman and Steven Wright.