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I don't have an iPod.

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Eric Morecambe

I'm playing all the right notes, just not necessarily in the right order

Notes, Order, Playing, Right
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Clever, Garden, Long, Take, Told, Use

I always take my wife morning tea in my pyjamas. But is she grateful? No, she says she'd rather have it in a cup.

Grateful, Morning, Pyjamas, Tea, Wife

I can never think of the time I spend idling in railway stations as lost; it's a waiting liberated from the three temporal vices of regret, anticipation or boredom, the weak echo of that bliss spent between lifetimes.

Echoes, Railway, Regret, Temporal, Thinking

I get airsick just licking an airmail stamp.

Airmail, Airsick, Licking, Stamp, Stamps, Transport

We had not had time to establish ourselves as a double act before Ernie joined the Merchant Navy. I teamed up with the brother of the late Dave Morris.

Act, Brother, Comedy, Ernie, Navy, Time
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