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I've still got both kidneys, but one doesn't work, so I have to be careful not to drink too much, even water, and I have to keep myself as healthy as possible.

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Sloane Crosley

Most people don't get lucky. They get human. They get crushes. This means you irrationally mortgage what little logic you own to pay for this one thing. This relationship is an impulse buy, and you'll figure out if it's worth it later.

Break Up, Crush, Crushes, Figure, Mean, Thing
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I never asked my mother where babies came from but I remember clearly the day she volunteered the information. . . . my mother called me to set the table for dinner. She sat me down in the kitchen, and under the classic caveat of 'loving each other very, very much,' explained that when a man and a woman hug tightly, the man plants a seed in the woman. The seed grows into a baby. Then she sent me to the pantry to get placemats. As a direct result of this conversation, I wouldn't hug my father for two months.

Baby, Hug, Mother, Placemats, Sex, Tightly

If you have to ask someone to change, to tell you they love you, to bring wine to dinner, to call you when they land, you can't afford to be with them.

Afford, Ask, Being Alone, Being Single, Love, Love You

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who know where their high school yearbook is and those who do not.

High, Kinds, People, School, Two, Yearbook

I was surprised by how much I loved Portland. It is so wonderfully creative without being artsy. Great food scene.

Creative, Food, Portland, Scene

Our brains are like bonsai trees, growing around our private versions of reality.

Brain, Growing, Like, Reality, Tree, Trees
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