Life's too short not to enjoy what you're working on.
My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.
Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.
I've always liked cops, as much as you can like a group of people, you know? Sure, I've been hassled, but I'm a white dude - privileged.
Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.
I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.
It really bothers me when some people say that all cops are racist. Of course that's not true. Most of you are just [expletive] to everybody.
If you are quiet on the bench you will just get swallowed up. It is like a mosh pit.
I am not the kind of leader who pontificates about what should be done - I don't operate on scenarios, and I am not a prophet.
Now, by the world, it is a lusty wench; I love her ten times more than e'er I did: O, how I long to have some chat with her!
On this day, when we're celebrating our constitutional heritage, I urge you to be faithful to that heritage - to impose on our fellow citizens only the restrictions that are there in the Constitution, not invent new ones, not to invent the right because it's a good idea.