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Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written "Today I will masterbate--if I want to!

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Ambrose Bierce

Painting, n. : The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

Art, Flat, Painting, Protecting, Weather
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DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.

Confirming, Discussion, Errors, Method, Science

TEDIUM, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word have been affirmed, but so high an authority as Father Jape says that it comes from a very obvious source --the first words of the ancient Latin hymn _Te Deum Laudamus_. In this apparently natural derivation there is something that saddens.

Ennui, Father, Hymns, Jape, Latin, Saddens

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

Angry, Cute, Inspirational, Make, Regret, Sad

Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.

Convent, Judging, Leisure, Retirement, Wish, Women

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Advantage, Greed, Nerd, Political Will, Principles, Private
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