Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. … - Rodney Dangerfield

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Quote of the day

Produce, produce! Were it but the pitifulest, infinitesimal fraction of a product, produce it in God's name. 'Tis the utmost thou hast in thee? Out with it then! Up, up! Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy whole might.

Rodney Dangerfield

Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

Getting Older, Guy, Older, Remember, Sitting

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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

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You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

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