our contempt of wealth does not extend beyond the hour when we can get it in possession.
Off-camera, I sound like Perry Como.
I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.
I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement.
I'd like to have a kid, but I'd probably get a Frank Sinatra Jr. instead of a Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I'd totally screw up like that.
Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them.
I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.
There are comics who treat women fairly appallingly. But I can be great friends with them because I don't tend to do that ticking of boxes: it can make life too simplistic.
God appoints people who do disappoint - to point to a God who never disappoints.
There must be something solemn, serious, and tender about any attitude which we denominate religious. If glad, it must not grin or snicker; if sad, it must not scream or curse.
I just sit there and try to think of stuff that I could do that's a little different but still not step outside of who I am.