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our contempt of wealth does not extend beyond the hour when we can get it in possession.

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Gilbert Gottfried

Off-camera, I sound like Perry Como.

Cameras, Como, Like, Perry, Sound
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I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.

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I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement.

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I'd like to have a kid, but I'd probably get a Frank Sinatra Jr. instead of a Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I'd totally screw up like that.

Frank, Instead, Kids, Like, Screw Ups, Sinatra

Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them.

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I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.

Act, Onstage, People, Sometimes, Years
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