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Life and literature is a question of what one thrills to, and further than that no man shall ever go without putting his foot in a turd.

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Rita Rudner

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

Eighteen, Funny, Life, Love, Practical, Reach
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I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Annoy, Funny, Life, Love, Married

Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers. " And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it. " I didn't know what to do! I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat. " "No thank you. "

Doors, Halloween, Knock, People, Thank

Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.

Bears, Furniture, Like, Live, Men, People

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

Funny, Idea, Life, Love, Met, Right

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

Aerobics, Came, Exercise, Fitness, Gym, Health
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