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You are not paid to work hard. In fact, you are not paid for effort at all. You are paid for results. It's not what you do; it's what you get done.

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Amy Sedaris

I listen. I like to give advice. Mostly, Ill just try to listen to my friends, and theyll say the same thing over and over again.

Giving, Advice, Trying, Theyll, Mostly
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Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend.

Girlfriend, Piece, Real, Women

Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.

Pet, Losing, Sometimes, Love, Case

I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed REALLY hard.

Cried, Feet, Hard, Men, Shoes

I think it's good for a person to spend time alone. It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone.

Being Alone, Figure, Gives, Opportunity, Person, Thinking

It's natural for humans to suppress urges, for when our desires are left unchecked they lead to broken relationships, prison time, and forest fires.

Broken, Desires, Fire, Prison Time, Relationships, Suppress
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