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I'm afraid to win, and afraid to lose; I hate a draw and can't stop competing; otherwise I'm fine.

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Jay Leno

As you know President Bush has been traveling around the country trying to sell his new Social Security plan. He wants to take our retirement money and invest it in the stock market. He says nothing can go wrong. I'll mention that to Martha Stewart the next time I see her.

Bush, Country, Martha, Retirement, Says, Trying
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The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D. C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Christmas, Funny, Religious, Scene, Wise

Today is April 1, April Fools' Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don't confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS.

Confuse, Fools Day, Irs, People, Relatives, Trying

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Come, Epic, Funny, Lottery, Money, Psychic

Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just thought it was an American city because there were so many Mexicans there.

America, Cities, Defense, Juarez, Mexicans, Texas

A hiker who was lost in a blizzard said he stayed alive by digging a snow tunnel and burning dollar bills for warmth. Today he was offered a job as President Obama's economic adviser.

Burning, Economic, Jobs, Said, Snow, Tunnels
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