I have a new joke today. Martha Stewart's on suicide watch. They had to unplug all of her … - Rip Taylor

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Quote of the day

Calm assertive energy is the energy you project to show your dog you are the Pack Leader. Assertive does not mean angry or aggressive. Calm-assertive means always compassionate, but quietly in control.

Rip Taylor

I have a new joke today. Martha Stewart's on suicide watch. They had to unplug all of her ovens.

Joke, Ovens, Suicide, Today, Unplug, Watches

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Carrot Top. . . I gave him advice once and he ran with it. He should thank me.

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Red Skelton. . . I broke into tears when I met him.

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Because someone stole Gregory Peck's star on Hollywood Blvd. , I have hired a Brink's guard to protect my star!

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I was supposed to be on the Tonight Show but I broke my shoulder instead.

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I went to Sirius Satellite Radio and did my show, Rapping With Rip.

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You are not happy because you're healthy, you are healthy because you're happy

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Bix Beiderbecke

The humor of jazz is rich and many-sided. Some of it is obvious enough to make a dog laugh. Some is subtle, wry-mouthed, or back-handed. It is by turns bitter, agonized, and grotesque. Even in the hands of white composers it involuntarily reflects the half-forgotten suffering of the negro. Jazz has both white and black elements, and each in some respects has influenced the other. It's recent phase seems to throw the light of the white race's sophistication upon the anguish of the black.

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Capitalism, after all, is no fun when real failure becomes a possibility.

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The main thing to understand about the current state of physics is that we have - are in some sense, a kind of victim of our own success. We have an incredibly successful theory called the Standard Model. And it really explains everything that we can observe about and in terms of a very small number of elementary particles and some basic forces between them. And it's a quite beautiful theory and it really is just absurdly successful.

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