My first ball I ever got from a big-league player I actually got to purchase in Dodger Stadium in a silent auction, was Reggie Jackson.
Joan Rivers is 80 and she's fantastic. She lives in mortal fear of not filling that 1,500-seat room.
I'm sure that having acted like an asshole for a great deal of my life, then having played assholes for a good part of my life, created a perception that I'm an asshole.
You remember from watching the show, there are no "jokes. " That's why if you see people on Twitter accusing me of being a "joke thief," I just tell them to come to one of my shows.
What I've realized in the last year, 80% of my act has already happened to me, and it's not until you retell the story at a party or to a friend or it comes up on the podcast that you, I don't know why I'm not doing that onstage!
You don't have to be Willy Loman about it. But, "Airline food is crazy. Hey, what's with these rent-a-cars?" or you go up and talk about how Christopher Walken wanted to know where my dog's tail went. That really happened to me.
I'm telling you, I could teach at a university, [George] Carlin, a whole semester. The construction and deconstruction of the words, the language, the order.
Let's play it safe. I’m not in the mood to run right now and I know fighting is suicide. Last thing I want to do is make my enemies happy by dying. (Syn)
I've decided life is too fragile to finish a book I dislike just because it cost $16. 95 and everyone else loved it. Or eat a fried egg with a broken yolk (which I hate) when the dog would leap over the St. Louis Arch for it.
I don't know a critic who penetrates the center of anything.
You'll be scared! Sure you'll be scared. Who wouldn't fear having their head completely blown off.