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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

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Arj Barker

I just got a new iPod. It's got 80 gigabytes. Because I like to jog for three weeks at a time and I do not want to hear the same song twice.

Ipods, Jog, Same, Song, Three
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The other day I saw a guy with a sign that said, WHERE WILL YOU SPEND ETERNITY? Which freaked me out because I was on my way to the Department of Motor Vehicles.

Department, Guy, Motor Vehicles, Sign, Way

It's gotten to the point where I think my friends would rather hang out with their own kids than hang out with me. And I'm like, "Alright, but where's the loyalty, man. I've known you for twenty-five years. How long have you known your baby, like, a month?"

Alright, Baby, Friends, Kids, Loyalty, Years

I was troubled by the presence of a shoe museum because it forced me to ask a very burning question: would my body be able to physically survive the amount of dope I would need to smoke in order to visit a shoeseum?

Dope, Museums, Order, Shoe, Troubled

I was high on life but eventually I built up a tolerance.

Built, Eventually, High, Life, Tolerance

I was in a real conservative area just outside of Chicago recently. And this guy's like, 'Hey, Arj, you're from San Francisco. Are you in favor of gay marriage?' I was like, 'Well, I'd like to get to know you a little bit better first. I don't know what ever happened to buying a guy a smoothie and seeing what happens. That's how we do it back home.

Gay, Hey, Home, Know, Real
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