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There is nothing more wonderful in life than seeing life as an adventure. We should all try things that we're afraid of. We should all look very clearly into the unknown and enjoy it. Because when you come in contact with things that you really don't know, that's when you're truly living.

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Demetri Martin

If you are trying to impress a woman, leave any sort of show farting out of the equation.

Trying, Impress, Shows, Sort, Farting
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.

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I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude. ' 'Dude, these are isotopes. ' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine. ' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies. '

Funny, Homies, Humor, Im Sorry, Nobel, Removed

My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.

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I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left. '

Carnegie, House, Practice, Take, Wish

Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.

Cardboard, Essentially, Home, Machines, Sharpie, Speed
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