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America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.

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Paula Poundstone

I hate it when my hair is engaged in unauthorized activities.

Activities, Activity, Hair, Hate
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I like to work on New Year's Eve. It has a nice spirit; a nice feel about it. If you are all about the 'year-end' thing at all, then laughing with fellow human beings is a great way to start the new year.

Beings, Laughing, New Year, Nice, Start, Years

I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We're going to call it On and On Anon.

Anon, Call, Groups, Needs, Talkers, Thinking

I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.

Know, Knows, Person, Persons, Pulled, Speeding

Gay Republicans, how exactly does that work? 'We disapprove of our own lifestyle. We beat ourselves up in parking lots.

Beat, Doe, Gay, Lifestyle, Parking, Republican

I was court-ordered to Alcoholics Anonymous on television. Pretty much blows the hell out of the second A, wouldn't you say?

Blow, Hell, Pretty, Television
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