I am clearer in my mind and a bit less confused than I used to be.
Now I am in the garden at the back. . . a very preserve of butterflies as I remember it, with a high fence, and a gate. . . where the fruit clusters on the trees, riper and richer than fruit has ever been since, in any other garden, and where my mother gathers some in a basket while I stand by, bolting furtive gooseberries, and trying to look unnerved.