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You have heard of, and studied various systems of philosophy; but real philosophy is opposed to all systems.

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I exercise daily to keep my figure. I keep patting my hand against the bottom of my chin. It works too. I have the thinnest fingers in town.

Bottom, Exercise, Figure, Hands, Thinnest, Towns
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I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.

Diet, Drinking, Failure, Food, Lost, Weeks

Happiness is getting a brown gravy stain on a brown dress.

Brown, Dress, Dresses, Happiness, Stain

I've waited all my life to say this. . . I weigh less than Elizabeth Taylor!

Elizabeth, Life, Say, Taylor, Waited, Weigh

Shirley Temple had charisma as a child. But it cleared up as an adult.

Adult, Adults, Children, Cleared, Shirley, Temples

I break all the rules and wear everything. Ruffles, ostrich feathers, fox coats. You look fat in fox anyway, so if you start fat, you only look a little fatter.

Anyway, Clothes, Fox, Ostriches, Ruffles, Rules
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