In the newspapers there is insulting and stirring up hatred. Those irresponsible daubers!
You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon. '
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty. '
[On Ronald Reagan:] The President doesn't want yes-men around. When he says no, we all say no.
Endless is the search of truth.
The government are behaving like a bevy of maiden aunts who have fallen among buccaneers.
You invest into the future, and that's how young people become human in best sense of it - through the great experience of listening a Müller symphony or to see a great play by Tennessee Williams, experience something in a ballet, in a film.