If a tax cut increases government revenues, you haven't cut taxes enough.
I am into belly dancing. I used to only hang with comics. Now I have friends who are dancers, and my whole house has a harem feel.
Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever.
Silence equals nonexistence. If I don't raise my voice, it's like I never existed.
I get up around 7 a. m. That's very early for a stand-up comic. Then I'll have breakfast with my husband, the artist Al Ridenour, take my three dogs for a walk and commence with my work.
It's okay for you to have relationships, but it's not okay to talk about them. It's not okay to be out or to be public about it. It's not okay to be photographed with your partner.
I've spent so much time feeling ugly and being treated as ugly as a result. But I changed my attitude and said, “I’m beautiful because I love everybody as much as I can. I’m beautiful because I have wonderful friends. And I’m beautiful because I say I am. I’ve earned it, and I’m gonna be it.
If you are going to ask your crush for their phone number, you are one of the small group of women I am so jealous of.
I made sure that instead of people making fun of me, like every comedian probably says, I made fun of myself first so they would get distracted and just laugh. I was pretty brutally picked on for a while growing up. It was always the really pretty girls, the hot girls and then there was me. So I had to do something to get any sort of attention.
You can't live in paradise—but you are living right here. Make this your paradise or make this your hell. The choice is entirely yours. Really.
I'm a human being just like you are. And I hurt and love just like everybody else, and people tend to forget that. I think I'm one of the friendliest celebrities around, because I'll stop to talk to anybody who recognizes me. I don't have a negative bone in my body. That's why I could care less about any gossip. It doesn't interest me. I'd rather sit down and write a song.