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You cannot escape where you come from, September. Some part of it remains inside you always, like the slender white heart in the center of the thickest onion.

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Buddy Hackett

I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.

Argument, Arguments, Carry, Carrying, Dancing, People
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As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Child, Family, Funny, Leave, Mothers Day, Take

Ninety-nine percent is in the delivery. If you have the right voice and the right delivery, you're cocky enough, and you pound down on the punch line, you can say anything and make people laugh maybe three times before they realize you're not telling jokes.

Cocky, Down, Ninety Nine, Telling, Three, Voice

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated. " I said, "How about Tuesday?"

Cremated, Said, Tuesday, Want, Wife

I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.

Cart, Day, Fall, Golf, Good, Good Day

At the Sahara, the seats are banked and most of the audience is looking down at the stage. Everybody in the business knows: Up for singers, down for comics. The people want to idealize a singer. They want to feel superior to a comic. You're trying to make them laugh. They can't laugh at someone they're looking up to.

Business, Laughing, People, Sahara, Stage, Trying
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