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My doctor was like, 'Any questions?' And I was like, 'Yes! When can I drink please?!' I just want a margarita.

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Julie Burchill

Amsterdam has more than 150 canals and 1,250 bridges, but it never seems crowded, nor bent and bitter from fleecing the tourist.

150, Amsterdam, Bridges, Canals, Tourists
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Being a child is horrible. It is slightly better than being a tree or a piece of heavy machinery but not half as good as being a domestic cat.

Cat, Children, Half, Horrible, Tree

If you want sex, have an affair. If you want a relationship, buy a dog.

Dog, Relationship, Sex, Want

Show me a frigid woman and, nine times out of ten, I'll show you a little man.

Frigid, Heartless, Littles, Show, Woman, Women

I jest, of course; premature ejaculation isn't a laughing matter for anyone, except for your friends when you tell them about it on the phone the next morning. My first marriage ended because the main event was invariably over before my husband got his socks off.

Husband, Jest, Marriage, Matter, Morning, Phones

What men don't want, in fact what anyone who's any sort of thrill-seeking, intelligent adult doesn't want, is some crushing bore describing their emotions in real time every waking hour.

Crush, Intelligent, Men, Real
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