My doctor was like, 'Any questions?' And I was like, 'Yes! When can I drink please?!' I just want a margarita.
Amsterdam has more than 150 canals and 1,250 bridges, but it never seems crowded, nor bent and bitter from fleecing the tourist.
Being a child is horrible. It is slightly better than being a tree or a piece of heavy machinery but not half as good as being a domestic cat.
If you want sex, have an affair. If you want a relationship, buy a dog.
Show me a frigid woman and, nine times out of ten, I'll show you a little man.
I jest, of course; premature ejaculation isn't a laughing matter for anyone, except for your friends when you tell them about it on the phone the next morning. My first marriage ended because the main event was invariably over before my husband got his socks off.
What men don't want, in fact what anyone who's any sort of thrill-seeking, intelligent adult doesn't want, is some crushing bore describing their emotions in real time every waking hour.
We all just realized that I am terminally ill and I'm dying and I would just prefer to die with less pain and less suffering.
If a playwright tried to see eye to eye with everybody, he would get the worst case of strabismus since Hannibal lost an eye trying to count his nineteen elephants during a snowstorm while crossing the Alps.
I don't believe medical discoveries are doing much to advance human life. As fast as we create ways to extend it we are inventing ways to shorten it.
A lot of things I am, and a lot of things I am not. But I think I'm about as good an American as there is. I love this country. It's been very, very good to me. And it will be good to anybody if they are willing to give of themselves.