Excuses are like rear ends. Everybody has one and they stink.
Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.
Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.
If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them
My mum never understood how much I earned. When I told her I earned a million pounds a film, she said, 'How much is that?'
The more you start prohibiting donors, the more you are going to have less blood in the supply. It's still not clear you can get it from blood transfusions.
Man is an evasive beast, given to cultivating strange notions about himself. He is humiliated by his simian ancestry, and tries to deny his animal nature, to persuade himself that he is not limited by its weaknesses nor concerned in its fate. And this impulse may be harmless, when it is genuine. But what are we to say when we see the formulas of heroic self-deception made use of by unheroic self-indulgence?
Whatever talents I possess may suddenly diminish or suddenly increase. I can with ease become an ordinary fool. I may be one now. But it doesn't do to upset one's own vanity.