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Oh, treacherous night thou lendest thy ready veil to every treason, and teeming mischief's beneath thy shade.

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Ken Dodd

My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well that taught me a lesson. '

Educational, Funny, Leaving, Night, Taught
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I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don't like to interrupt her.

Eighteen, Law, Like, Months, Mother, Spoken

Laughter is the greatest music in the world and audiences come to my shows to escape the cares of life. They don't want to be embarrassed or insulted. They want to laugh and so do I - which is probably why it works.

Cares, Come, Laugh, Laughing, Laughter, World

Freud's theory was that when a joke opens a window and all those bats and bogeymen fly out, you get a marvellous feeling of relief and elation. The trouble with Freud is that he never had to play the old Glasgow Empire on a Saturday night after Rangers and Celtic had both lost.

Funny, Humor, Night, Old, Rangers, Saturday

I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside

Pennies, Revenue, Seaside, Taxation, Taxes, Told

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Amusing, Bad, Gets, Kleptomania, Take
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