Novels, except as aids to masturbation, play no part in contemporary life.
Writing a book is like masturbation, and making a movie is like an orgy.
Self improvement is masturbation.
What I like about masturbation is that you don't have to talk afterwards.
It's what I call "mental masturbation", when you engage is some pointless intellectual exercise that has no possible meaning.
Abused as we abuse it at present, dramatic art is in no sense cathartic; it is merely a form of emotional masturbation.
Life is just masturbation in a sense, mentally. What people do is they just create a world out of their self-reflection.
We can learn to ignore the bullshit in the Bible about gay people. The same way we have learned to ignore the bullshit in the Bible about shellfish, about slavery, about dinner, about farming, about menstruation, about virginity, about masturbation.
The whole point is you're telling a story to an audience. So when there's no audience, it's like cinematic masturbation.
The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it.
Love is what makes sex more than masturbation. If there is no love even if you are really with a partner you masturbate with a partner.
My friends keep telling me I'm doing it with Mary Palmer. That's not true - I'm too busy masturbating to meet anyone new.
I think the internet is the greatest waste of time since masturbation was discovered.
Masturbation is the thinking man's television.
Female masturbation is permissible unconditionally.
Contempt for others, like masturbation, is best as a secret pleasure.
In masturbation there is nothing but loss.
When they say take from my body, I think I'll take from mine instead. Getting off, getting off while they're all down stairs.
I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life.
If masturbation is a crime then I should be on death row.
