You can't possibly be a scientist if you mind people thinking that you're a fool.
New York City has 2 million rats. We used to have 8 million rats. Now we're down to 2 million. You know what that means? We lose four electoral votes.
Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking. "
George Clooney is on the program tonight. Next week at this time I will be in a hardware store watching them mix paint.
People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.
I mean you think about the guy, the Nigerian guy, who was going to blow up the plane. He was wearing a pair of Fruit of the Lunatic. . . . Guy was not too bright. He said that the reason he became a suicide bomber was to work his way up in the al Qaeda organization.
There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
Oh, Conscience! Conscience! man's most faithful friend, Him canst thou comfort, ease, relieve, defend; But if he will thy friendly checks forego, Thou art, oh! woe for me, his deadliest foe!
The technology is not only the way we change stories, but also changing the relationship to the consumer.
You are not responsible for the programming you picked up in childhood. However, as an adult, you are one hundred percent responsible for fixing it.
Subjugating the enemy's army without fighting is the true pinnacle of excellence.