Every year white people add 100 years to how long ago slavery was. I've heard educated white people … - Louis C. K.

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It is almost nicer being a godfather than a father, like having white mice but making your nanny feed them for you.

Louis C. K.

Every year white people add 100 years to how long ago slavery was. I've heard educated white people say, 'slavery was 400 years ago. ' No it very wasn't. It was 140 years ago. . . that's two 70-year-old ladies living and dying back to back. That's how recently you could buy a guy.

100, Guy, Long Ago, Say, Two, Years

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Here's how my brain works: It's stupidity, followed by self-hatred, and then further analysis.

Brain, Further, Hatred, Self, Stupidity

I was raised by a hard-working single mother, so my first role model was a woman. My only caretaker was a woman, and I have three sisters, so my community was girls. I have two girls, and my dog is a girl. My dead dog was a girl. I don't know. I guess I've always keyed in on that perspective.

Dog, Girl, Model, Mother, Perspective

I used to like people more, but now I have children and that changes your life in a lot of ways. Like you spend time with people you never would have chosen to spend time with, not in a million years. I spend whole days with people, I'm like, "I never would have hung out with you. I didn't choose you. Our children chose each other based on no criteria by the way. They're the same size. They don't care who they make me hang out with. "

Care, Children, Days, Spend, Thinking, Years

If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.

Funny, Heard, Romantic, Sick, Woman

Race doesn't mean what it used to in America anymore. It just doesn't. Obama's black, but he's not black the way people used to define that. Is black your experience or the color of your skin? My experience is as a Mexican immigrant, more so than someone like George Lopez. He's from California. But he'll be treated as an immigrant. I am an outsider. My abuelita, my grandmother, didn't speak English. My whole family on my dad's side is in Mexico. I won't ever be called that or treated that way, but it was my experience.

Abuelita, Black, Dad, Grandmother, Mean, Mexico