Same topic Authors
Quote of the day

I have to write the story I want to write. I never wrote them with a focus group of 8-year-olds in mind. I have to continue telling the story the way I want to tell it.

Popular Topics
Inspiring, Love, Private Life, Gossip, Motor, Alien, Dress, Butterfly, Name, Inspirational Life, Guru, Poet, Feelings, Character, Kindly, English, Success, Kids, Relationships, Creative, Path Of Love, Brain, Body, Willing, Acknowledge, Good, Book, Snows, Like, Peace Love, Dream, Live, Positive, Loves, Angry, Humbly, Gold, Story, Pleasures Of Life, World, Inspire, Food, Quiet, Amazing Music, Secret, Art, Confidence, Disco, House, Inspiration
Bill Engvall

Welcome to my garage! This is where I go to get away from the honey-do list.

Funny, Garage, Honey, Humor, List, Welcome
Same Author Quotes

How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?

Farted, Hard, Shivered

God, she's growing up, and I don't know when it happened, man. I used to buy her Minnie Mouse panties and little Winnie the Pooh underwear. I was helping my wife fold cloths. I picked up a pair of skimpy underwear. I looked at my wife and said: When you gonna wear these for me? She goes, I can't. They're your daughter's. Aaahh! No, no, no! There was nothing to them! The how-to-wash tag was the biggest piece of cloth on there.

Daughter, Growing Up, Helping, Men, Said, Winnie

When you're doing stand-up, you achieve an intimacy with the audience you can't get on TV. There's not a better feeling in the entire world then when you look out and see the audience is identifying with you.

Achieve, Audience, Feelings, Looks, See, World

Lady, I didn't get up this morning wanting to be a jackass. . . but you just pushed my jackass button.

Button, Funny, Humor, Lady, Morning, Wanting

Engvall: Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him, and I said, "Hey. . . " (pantomimes hitting his son) "We don't hit". He looked at me like, "Here's your sign, Dad".

Dad, Said, Son, Yesterday
Similar Quotes